This bitch is haunting me.

I heard this song on a Certified Bananas mixtape the other day and it got in my head. Well, guess who it is? This chick is pretty damn good at writing songs that stick in your head like the image of a vegetarian dog getting taunted with meatloaf nuggets. I'm fucked with this one for at least a week.

Complete trainwreck.

I love New York newspapers. LA tries to be all politically correct, when you know the post would show a double penetration shot with a crackhead in the back making an underage porno move while 2 cops (in uniform) watched if they could get their hands on it.

Lindsay and Britney need to get their asses on Oprah and do some crying ASAP or it's lights out. Has anyone noticed neither of them have any talent whatsoever? I guess not. I halfway thought about driving to LA and scooping up dirt from her accident scene to put on eBay, but then I decided to do something worthwhile, so I made a turkey sandwich. No big deal.

Weekly R&B Banger #23

I remember seeing heads back in the day rocking those transparent windbreaker suits and just clowning them. But hey, if it gives you enough game to get some Jodeci-type ass, more power to you.

Weapons of Ass Destruction

Weekly R&B Banger #22

From the Rappa Turnt Sanga.

Boyz II Mom

Be careful with your iPod at the beach people.

R&B Weekly Banger #21

Fuck Destiny's Child, these bitches are Gangsta. Peep those fucking nails. She'd slice your balls off if you ever fucked up.

Mammorial Donk Weekend

While I normally never make plans during Memorial Day Weekend, due to the crowds and historically poor weather, I made the rookie decision to run down to the NJ shore to cop a tan con mi novia. Am status decision #2, I thought that I might hop onto the Brooklyn-Queens Expwy to the Verrazano Bridge then drive into NJ through Staten Island.

Normally, we New Yorkas blast on Staten Islanders like it's the borough in that 28 Days Later flick. All are infected by NY Dump sewage water and are straight retarded for forever Vinnys. Not sure what possessed me to decide to take that route, but we were fucked like Abner Louima.



Anyways, there was hella rush hour traffic, a grip of holiday traffic, and always pleasant 9 dollar toll just to get through to NJ. Just short of losing my shit and the car blowing up from running on an empty tank, we finally made it to a NJ rest stop. Gassed up quick then rolled inside for some well earned pee breaks after 3 hours of traffic. We grabbed some ice creamed treats for the slow walk back to the whip.

However, our glowing smiles were cut short after realizing my already stressed car didn't feel like starting. Panic Room set in as I wondered if we were really going to spend the day stuck @ a fucking rest stop. Sweat poured, many many calls were made and after about an hour of ghetto wiring, my car finally started. Phew. Fucking Japanese ZeroSports push button start. Fucking a hundred dollars worth of JDM nonsense. Gotta have it though.






We rushed to beach which was only about 15miles from where we were to jump in the ocean and wash away a day's worth of aggravation and butt sweat. I still think we were being punished after clowning the midget gas attendant. Karma's a bitch.



At the halfway mark, I'm praying the rest of the weekend to be uneventful aside from an unprecedented caloric attack from burned meat and ketchup.

Are you fucking for real?

After walking in a stupor in search of a Bodega, I managed to find the Holy Grail of convenient marts... a fucking 7-11 on 82nd and 3rd. While I would normally blast all that is not NY born, I was ecstatic to grab a Cherry Coke Slurpee, an ass blaster Taquito and some mint Kit-Kats. Normally, my only novelty visits to the illustrious chain would be in lovely San Clemente, it was amazing to frequent this establishment along with some entertaining crackheads, the same situation you experience at almost every other 7-11. Good random find.

My New Shit.

Fuck Da Mets

Went to my first Subway Series game @ "the other stadium". What I thought was a friendly crosstown rivalry, was actually some deep-seated resentment from years & years of cheering for the other team by default. As a typical Yankee asshole, I went to Shea Stadium with full colors on. Aside from the few Yankees fans, we were berated by non-stop heckling to the point that I was a little shook. One fan vs another, okay, but I wasn't ready to fight all of Long Island.



Luckily we sat amongst a few fellow Yankee fans who seemed to all work construction or just get out of jail. All the Vinny's and Abercrobie fags shut their traps in our section; especially after we took a considerable lead with a rookie pitcher and proceeded to win the game. Sweep whatevs, shove that fucking broom up your ass.

Livin' (water)proof.

Waterproof paper. Gotta pick some of this up. Maps, etc. Done.

Happy Mother's Doo.

So Tom Crowe sends me a picture of his wife and their new son Colt on Mother's Day. Nice, right? Well look at what their dog hooked up for them on Mother's Day on that lovely Michigan Sunday. Classic. Thanks TC.

Never less than ill.

Craze and A-Trak getting after it at LAX. Disregard that retarded asian dude with the long hair in the back jumping around like an idiot. If you were the heir to the Benihana fortune and could pretend to be a DJ for a living, and your sister was in The Fast and the Furious, you'd be jumping around like a retard too. I hate the hipster scene, especially the LA one. OK, your tee shirt is 1 of 100, now get the fuck out of my face.

R&B Weekly Banger #20

Can't ever get enough of the R.

R&B Weekly Banger #19

Kept hearing the breakbeat on a mixtape that I ripped off DMC's kit and it drove me crazy cuz I couldn't figure out the track. Wasn't until mi novia came over and called it on the first play. I guess Thalia is big in Espana? Sorry yo, I didn't know.

Irreplaceable (Irreemplazable)

A good Puerto Rico find. Even a banger in Espanol.

Pixel Pusher

MLK

I stumbled across this site the other day when wasting some time. Check out these simulated video game screenshots of some major historical events and movie scenes. He has some other works that are pretty heavy too. Worth checking out.

OJ Did it.

Throw some D's on that bitch.

New New

Gotta love them healthy Southern girls.

R&B Weekly Banger #18

Just caught that ATL flick. Tight Kit. The soundtrack makes it.



Peep Monica gettin' sassy. mm.

HIN PHILLY 5/13/07

Just got to Philly and after the usual headaches, got my shit parked in the DUNLOP boof. Kinda got me shook to be under such scrutiny but fuck, smoke em' if u got em'.




I didn't realize it until the next day, but my car was parked right in front of the entrance. Felt like a rockstar with that shit. I didn't win anything, but it was dope as fuck to get my shine on. Maybe now I'll be eligible for that Red Bull and LaNova sponsorship. "Yeah, what's sup? I'm gonna need 12 dozen wings extra hot and pint of chunky blue cheese sent to Chicago for the next show. Thanks."



Got some Cheesesteaks. Yeauh. Wanted to try Tony Luke's but maybe next time. Geno's rips though. Peeps claim Pat's but I don't like all that steak on my sandwich & Geno's sandwich bread is da bomb.







Downtown Driving in Philly blows like Cross Bronx Expressway but on consecutive narrow single lane width one way streets. The highways are fucking dope though. Super super smooth, few blemishes, and the bridges have crazy light shows.

Mo' 'tussin

Salmon Specials son.

Took down 5 orders with the Finn and Jenner Friday night. Dericious.

Weekly R&B Banger #17

Monica teams up with JD and Dem Franchise to drop some heat. I swear I'd love to date a girl like her. I may be breaking the Asian dude/ Black girl "never happen" combo, with the new jump-off but she's only half black, half amazing. It's all good, feelin' this sweetheart. Got dat booty with the good hair. Holla!

R&B Weekly Banger #16

I love me some Monica. Ever since 1995 when she dropped "Just One of those Days" where she sang about being a bitch while on her period, I've been a fan. Peep Part 1&2 of her video drama with two hits off her last kit.

D1GP NJ

There's a drift series that occurs in Japan during the course of the year and has been running for the past 10+years ago. In the past few years they have been coming to the US for one of the events. Usually, they goto Irwindale, California but this year, they fucking came through to Raceway Park in Englishtown, New Jersey. Pretty unbelieveable really. The cream of the crop, millionaire Japanese drivers came to the armpit of the universe. My friends and I were fucking hyped to say the least.



We came through on Friday for qualifiers and actually got to meet our heroes. Kumakubo San teamed up with world renowned Japanese Tuners JUN RACING to build drift Subarus which helped take the 2006 season title. Anyways, our good friend and photographer from Subiesport magazine was on site to translate and take photos of Team Orange. He was able to get us past the crowds to meet the minds behind the madness. We got some autographs, some clutch pics, and the inspiration to spend more & more money on Japanese parts that always show 6-8 months after you order it. Ha!





The driving was fucking mad. Vids ala YouTube to be hosted shortly...

I'm gonna miss you Tina...

So what the fuck am I supposed to watch now?

K-Town

Everyone is all about Chinatown from the 40cent pork buns to the Canal Street bootlegs. But for me some of the real gems in Manhattan are found are found in Koreatown. I mean, personally, I forget to go that magical stretch on 32nd between 5th and 6th avenues, but somehow I end up there when I least expect it. On Friday I went to meet up with a friend after work and headed east from the train stop.

With two hours to kill and an empty stomach, I wandered the midtown 30s only to find myself in K-Town heaven. I ended up @ Woorijip which re-defines the whole fast food concept. Everything there is hella fresh because it was just made like 5minutes ago. There's tons of seats and so much traffic, that food goes quick. It's inexpensive, so peeps pick up a bit of everything. You can get a fresh kit from the noodle bar, or pick up any of their many many pre-packaged fresh cooked meals. On this fine afternoon, I grabbed the Kimchi Fried Rice, Ham & Eggs combo. So so good.

Cinco de Mayo

Cinco de Mayo no es bueno para mi culo.

HIN BOSTON

As I may have mentioned before, I welcome anything Boston as much as Superman welcomes a Kryptonite dildo up his ass. I had some high expectations coming into this trip as all my friends were coming through, and the last few shows there were actually enjoyable.



But no, shit sucked. Got shit parked in front one of the worst & loudest DJs in the house complete with his stupid ass smoke machine which is great for my non-existing breathing ass. So after renting a trailer to have my friends set-up my car cuz I had work on the day of roll-in, being up for 30 hours straight which included an am am drive to Boston from NJ, and blowing a grip of money, I came home empty handed because the judge was pissed I wasn't @ my car when he came through the first half-dozen times bec I was out eating shitty Chinese food which fucked me the whole week after.





The saving grace of the weekend was checking out that "Bodega" sneaker spot which is tucked behind a functioning Bodega and eating Cracker Barrel on the way home complete with a triple side of mac n cheese.



Fuck Boston and Reggaeton DJs.

My hotel review. In living color.

Untied

A simple misspelling and I stumbled onto this site that exclusively hates on United Airlines. After nearly a half a million miles logged in the friendly skies, I have more than a few stories that I could add to this. The recent 5 hour diversion to Indianapolis? Yeah, that would be one. The only movie choice on a 5 hour flight being "Air Bud: Golden Receiver", yeah, that would be another one.

Squish da Fish

So I came across this Bills tie dye the other day and it got me to thinking, whatever happened to the ubiquitious Zubaz pants of yesteryear?



Well, they are being resurrected right over here. And maybe just a little bit over here. I really hope these things stay dead. I had to spend most of my teenage years seeing idiots wear these. I know you are a Bills fan, but we don't want to stare at the head of your dick through your pants there guy. Thanks.



Another nugget was this shot of some idiots at Rich (I refuse to acknowledge it as Ralph Wilson) Stadium trying to light a trout on fire. I won't even get into the "a dolphin is not a fish" side, but who thinks a wet trout is going to catch fire? Come on people...

Video Classics Volume 3

Armando Barajas pretty much came out of nowhere, throwing down some crazy combos and pretty much epitomizing the era. Wheels had'nt gotten small yet, boards were still big, pants were still (somewhat) normal size, and sessioning 4 stairs and 12 inch ledges was still completely acceptable.

Role Model.

No doubt the best physical comedian of all time. I remember watching these every day after school and laughing my ass off until GI Joe came on.

Best Flea Market find and a river of sushi.

Did'nt buy it, but it was a good find. I am still trying to unload all of the damn Simpsons figures that I bought in the late 90's that are jamming up my closet. They probably are worth a good amount, most are still in the boxes. Someday maybe I'll get around to selling them. Any geeks out there that want to throw down? Some other gems at the Pasadena Flea Market were an Atari 5200 (yes you read that right), and a signed N'Sync gold record, even signed by Timberlake before he dated that batshit crazy bald bitch.

This market is crazy. People fly there from Japan, London, and other hipster havens to shop for their boutiques. I'm pretty sure half of this shit ends up in Harajuku or London's west side about 2 days after the flea market is over. I can't imagine lugging back a few suitcases of lice infested trucker hats or old tee shirts with 2 decade old beer, jizz, and sweat stains on them. That's a big commitment to achieve the right look. A truly global economy. Of shit.


After the flea market we went to Sushi Afloat. This spot is especially nice because you can just jump right in and chow down. All of the sushi comes around floating past you on little boats in a little river in front of the bar. You eat what you want and they calculate the bill by the color of the plates. So fast and the sushi was legit. Eva hit her head on the sushi bar in a fit of joy. The joy pretty much ended then though. Things are rough in size 4 diapers.

Bulgogi & Kimchi.com

Went to my favorite Japanese bookstore to pick up some Option Mags which happens to be located in one of my least favorite parts of the city, Rockefeller Center. I ain't hatin' on out-of-towners, but I cunt stand the e-brake stops on the NYC sidewalk freeways. Bitch, ain't nothing from H&M is gonna fit your Alabama Ass.

But right in the midst of tourist and business mayhem lay this peculiar coffee cart craze. Upon close inspection what I thought was another Hadji box, was actually is a Korean food cart. Being brown, I do like my rice although I'm not a fan of curries & fruit in my food like Thai or Indian. However, I'm super big fan of Cambodian, Vietnamese, & esp. Korean food. The shit is super hot and spicy enough to make me break a sweat or crap my pants; usually a little of both.



At this dope kit you can get a plate of Bulgogi (marinated grilled steak), Rice, & Kimchi for & 5 bucks. A killer killer deal. The best were the Bulgogi sandwiches which were pressed and cut into these round pockets with whole wheat bread. Super good and satisfying. As with most restaurants, you know it's official if there's a line of Korean dudes awaiting their fix.