Funky Fridays #26.

With a PH

As seen in SF...

5 Napkin Burger.

I had high expectations heading into 5 Napkin Burger. The reviews were decent plus with a $15 price tag for burger & fries, I felt like we were going to a Steakhouse. Walking in we were very impressed. The décor was nice with muted lighting, very date night appropriate. But really, who would try to bring a date to a restaurant where you make a hot mess of yourself trying to eat & you'd be more prone to promptly high five your date so you can rush home to take a hot shit than to invite home for a nightcap. I dunno.

The service was great but the food... well to put it bluntly, was straight up nasty. The place is called 5 Napkin Burger, I understand, but it seems they go out of their way to make the burger super messy. The produce is super fresh, but only acts as a lubricant to the already juicy burger. Try and take a bite and keep the contents intact. Straight Blowout every time.

The patti is 10oz ground chuck and the average grill can't accomodate such a large sandwich unless you're a snake with detachable jaws or Dagwood. But the biggest problem was the bun, which is buttered on both sides of EACH part of the bun then grilled. So unless you have fingers of griptape, there's no way you can hold onto the burger in any proper manner.

And now the worst part. I was ecstatic to find tater tots as a substitution for the fries. However, the tots aren't your normal Ore-Ida steez. It's actually fancy pants mashed potatoes with swiss and herbs and bullshit then deep fried. Fucking gross. They really didn't have much flavor so to make up for it, they were LOADED with salt. Don't get me wrong, I put salt on everything even pizza, but you could melt an icy sidewalk with a dozen of those things.



I've never had a burger I couldn't eat. From the Golden Arches to a homeade Mommy burger on white bread, it's all good. I eat two Double Doubles every In & Out visit but sadly, I only ate half of my burger. The waitress came by and joked, "You didn't like it?". I responded with, "not really". She left saddened with a rare unhappy customer. Just give me the classics as is. Don't fuck with an original. I can't stomach a piece of meat for the next couple days, but I'll need redemption In & Out Style from the Burger Joint or the Shake Shack.



It's ironic that they don't actually provide any napkins, but more a quarter sized tablecloth hanky, that you leave molested like a butchers apron.



The icing on the cake of the evening was going to watch the deeply depressing "The Reader". I didn't expect to watch Kate Winslet get pounded out the first half of the movie. I guess that's what gets you an Oscar nod just like Holla Berry in Monster's Ball. Another feel good movie. Go watch it for discussions sake, but don't inhale a 2500 calorie meal that you're sweating out for the 2 hour duration of the film trying to ward off the uh-ohs.

FM 21-76

Finally got this in the mail. So interesting. Although you get strange
looks reading it on the plane...

What. Pieces. Of. Shit.

At it again.

I don't know what's more unbelievable, the fact that Red Bull built Shaun White a half million dollar heli accessed pipe in the backcountry, or that ESPN used Apple Paint to highlight it in the above photo.

G-Unit.

Funky Fridays #25.

For your reference.

Everyone knows that a lot of rappers have their rhymes written for them, or their work is at least supplemented with verses from other artists. Check out a recently unearthed reference track that BIG did for Lil Kim to give her an outline of timing and meter for one of her biggest hits. Those lyrics definitely were'nt written for BIG to do.

Let's Play Cavity Search.

Green Eggs & Ham.

Food a-hole visits the Homeland tonight on the Travel Channel.. Catch it @10pm.

Hot Pocket.

Skid Mark.

In more "Only in NY" news a man was hit by a car, then run over by the car after and dragged 20 miles from Queens to Brooklyn. Apparently, his dome was shaved in half and his legs were ground to the knees. Fucking Gnarly.

Funky Fridays #24.

Happy Valentines Day.

Late Edit: Finally made it to Hill Country after hearing about it for a good year. Proper Texas BBQ in NY? Yeah Right. But after dealing with a terrible Valentines Day prix fix meal at this fancy Mexican restaurant last year, Jillian and I were looking for something more low-key and actually filling.



Went around 4:30 pre-dinner and pre-crowd craze. I was ecstatic to find that they sell Miller High Life bottled. Got a grip of food and they gave us a half a loaf of bread. So dope.




The pork ribs were eh. I prefer the more Asian steeze with an overnight marinade than the dry rub smoked steeze. However, the moist brisket is the best shit ever. I swear I get a craving for it at least once a day. A bite with some Mac N Cheese or Corn Casserole and you'll be hooked too. Looking forward to our next visit and review. Holla.

Hellaflush.

Chicken Joy!

The Day has come.

B.T.S. #43.

I'm more of a Dunkin' or Coffee Bean type of drinker, but all we have on the Upper Crusty West Side near work is Starbank. I still haven't lost my thrifty ways learned during the poor college days from throwing a pint of ice cream at the bottom of a 99cent Big Gulp or loading up a folded umbrella with candy bars; but fear of getting blasted as an adult has curbed my jacking tendencies.

However, I have found a new way to "Beat the System" with free unlimited coffee from Stoopbucks. Pick up a Starfucked Card, order a large coffee, purchase with said card, then register the card online. Refills are free if you use your card to re-up. Best bet is to go to the same joint day after day. If you can manage to keep a cup crisp & clean, you won't have to pay for a daily cup of coffee for at least a month or until the recycled cardboard disintegrates if you're a hot mess. Enjoy.

Food Porn.

My new favorite website.

KAWS on CBS Sunday Morning

It's pretty great to see that our generation has some solid contributions to the art world that will be around for years to come. 

Shepherd Fairey now has several pieces in the National Portrait Gallery and the Smithsonian of you know who, and KAWS has pretty much been solidified as the Andy Warhol of our generation (minus the dance drugs and gayness). 

Not bad for a couple of East Coast skater kids. Well played.

And we breathe a deep sigh of relief.

It's things like these that keep things right in the world.

Go Cards!

"It's My Cat's Birthday Today."

Firecracker.

A big F*U* to the Black Cat I crossed Sunday night for one of the most shittiest weeks in recent history. To getting stuck in a packed subway car where MTA officials had to pry open the doors to get us off the train... to an unprecedented number of no-show/ cancelled appointments at work... to oversleeping my alarm yesterday and missing my 4am departure to go riding in VT for the first day off since Jan 1st...to the Queens subway service suspension today where I have to cab to and from work rendering it a non-earning day...A big F*U*. Hope a car hits you.

Sheffey?!

Sean mother-f*cking Sheffey! >>

Or White.